I want a homebirth but my partner is terrified!

This is unfortunately a common scenario in the homebirth community - the mother has her heart set on homebirth, but her partner either has reservations or is flat out terrified by the idea. Here are some suggestions and resources that might be helpful in getting partners comfortable and hopefully even excited by the idea of birthing at home!

1. Debrief any previous births.

We know that 1 in 3 mothers experience birth trauma in Australia, but many fathers and non-birthing parents also experience birth trauma and/or postnatal depression. This is particularly common when there has been a negative or unexpected experience during labour or birth. Many therapists, midwives, doulas and mental health professionals now offer birth debriefing, which can help partners to understand and process the experience, and gain insight about any fears they may be carrying into future births. You can also check out the ‘Fathers and Partners’ resource from Birth Trauma Australia here (https://birthtrauma.org.au/fathers-and-partners/).

2. Learn about the physiology of birth.

In modern western society, birth is often viewed and treated as a medical event. Reframing it as a normal physiological process may help partners feel more comfortable with birthing outside a medical environment. Books such as ‘Reclaiming childbirth as a right of passage’ by Rachel Reed, ‘Birth with confidence’ by Rhea Dempsey and ‘Gentle birth, gentle mothering’ by Dr. Sarah Buckley help to normalise and educate about physiological birth.

3. Learn about the research.

Common beliefs about homebirth are that it is less safe than birthing in a hospital, and that choosing to birth at home risks the safety of the mother and baby. However, the research shows that homebirth actually has better outcomes for mothers and babies in many instances.

You can listen to some great discussions and explanations on what current research says on The Great Birth Rebellion podcast, in particular these episodes:

(https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-great-birth-rebellion/id1639430316?i=1000665794048 and https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-great-birth-rebellion/id1639430316?i=1000721397020)

4. Do homebirth specific birth preparation courses together.

This can give partners insight into what a homebirth actually involves and what to expect, and hopefully even get them excited about the many benefits of homebirth (for both the mother and non-birthing parent!)

Rhea Dempsey offers a 2-day birth preparation workshop for couples (https://rheadempsey.com.au/courses/).

Core and Floor Restore also offer an extremely comprehensive online course that is pay by donation (https://coreandfloor.com.au/pages/antenatal-classes?srsltid=AfmBOork965L0otvqpGECqD9Qy3m_4P7PRNWEeNOHP6SCWxNM-N2qXch).

5. Listen to homebirth stories together.

Many people go into pregnancy without knowing that homebirth is an option, and don’t know anyone who has birthed at home. Listening to the experiences of other families can help to normalise homebirth as a valid and safe option, and even help your partner to see the advantages and benefits of birthing at home.

There are several great podcasts that share stories of Australian families birthing at home. ‘Birthing at home: A podcast’ even has a series of ‘Partner Stories’ that share the perspectives of non-birthing parents (https://birthingathomeapodcast.buzzsprout.com/)

6. Discuss your concerns with your care provider.

This is perhaps the most valuable resource - your care provider will be with you throughout your pregnancy, birth and post-partum period, and discussing any fears and concerns with them can help them tailor their care and provide you with the best support they can (for both you and your partner!). Homebirth midwives commonly encounter partners who have reservations about birthing at home, and they are well-versed in the current research and practices, so having open discussions with them will likely give your partner a great deal of reassurance. You might also like to talk through what would happen if different circumstances arise during your labour, ie. what would happen if you needed to transfer to hospital.

If you haven’t booked in a midwife yet, many practices offer a free no-obligation connection call where you can connect with a homebirth midwife, ask questions and make an informed decision.